Answered Prayer

I have a good baby.  I’m not just saying this because she’s mine.  I mean it, I have a really good baby.  She’s happy, smiles all the time, babbles and coos.  Plays by herself when I put her down, plays with me when I pick her up.  Bounces in the bouncer, rolls over on the floor, rarely cries and when she does it’s usually for a reason (like gas) and she falls asleep when I put her in her crib.  Yes, you read that right.  I turn off the light, turn on the fan, sing to her, pray and put her down.  That’s it, she falls asleep.  Maybe not right away.  Sometimes she babbles to herself for 15, 20 or maybe even 30 minutes, but she doesn’t cry and eventually she falls asleep.

I’m not lying, others have commented on this phenomenon.

So last night in my action track (kinda like a Bible Study group), we were talking about prayer.  We were asked to share stories of answered prayers.  There were some great stories about prayers being answered.  Then the conversation moved on to how the heck Paul was able to “pray continuously” (seriously, are you praying right now as you read this?  Didn’t think so.)  I remembered this quote from G.K. Chesterton:

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”

I shared it with the group and went on to explain that when I first read this quote in my writing group action track (which I miss very much) Cora was just a month or so old.  I was challenged by it and decided to say grace throughout the day.  Well, the only time I remembered was right before her nap.  “Grace” is usually short and sweet and to the point so I would say “Jesus I pray that you would bless Cora’s nap, help her to sleep well and give me patience if she doesn’t”.  Then I’d kiss her and put her down.

Since birth she was a pretty good baby, sleeping 5 hours the first night home which freaked me out because I slept too, but naps were hit or miss and some nights were better than others.  She first slept through the night at 6 weeks old (by sleeping through the night I mean a 6 hour stretch), but I didn’t realize it until last night but that was about the time when she settled in and slept well both during the day and at night.  I was asked recently ‘what I did’ to get my daughter to sleep through the night.  I now have an answer, I prayed.

So which prayer did God answer first?  The sleeping through the night or my increased patience?  Judging from my attitude towards my dog right now, I’d say I’m still working on the patience.  So here goes: Jesus, I pray that Ronon would go to the bathroom quickly because it’s cold, and give me patience if he doesn’t.  Amen.

On Using BabyWise

I’ve been composing this for a little while now.  Trying to keep it from being a rant.

I didn’t realize BabyWise was so polarizing until I read some reviews of the book.  People seem to either love it or hate it.  It is either the best thing since sliced bread or paramount to child abuse.  Most of the criticism (especially listed here) talks about dehydration and the infants failure to thrive, obviously very serious issues.  My problem with that is more with the parents, not the book.  It is a book, a guideline.  It is not law.  No one is forcing you to follow it and no baby fits a book 100%.  Where’s the common sense?  Where’s the maternal instinct that says ‘my baby is hungry, f** the book, I will feed her’?

I first read the book when I was pregnant.   There were sections I read but that didn’t stick with me.  I remember times in the first few weeks when she would cry earlier than the 2.5 - 3 hour schedule.  After checking her diaper and trying to soothe her I would get ready to feed her.  My husband questioned my actions but I did it anyway, my baby was hungry.  After feeding her, I went back to the book and re-read the sections that described the feeding schedule for the first few weeks.  Suddenly it popped out at me: “if your baby is hungry, feed her”.  Over and over and over, like a refrain through the multiple chapters.  “If your baby is hungry, feed her.  Then figure out why she was hungry early.”  They even state it twice in one paragraph in the ‘Problem Solving’ chapter.  

There was also a section on jaundice that I don’t remember reading that said a jaundiced baby will need to eat more often, 2 - 2.5 hour intervals rather than 2.5 - 3 hours.  Cora had jaundice and her bilirubin numbers didn’t even out until she was over one week old.  It wasn’t information that stuck out to me until I needed it.  After re-reading parts of the book I felt much more prepared and able to handle at least this one aspect of motherhood.

BabyWise is good advice.  But it is just that, advice.  Take it with a grain of salt.  You don’t take the grandma at the grocery store’s advice as if it’s law (or at least you shouldn’t), don’t take this as law either.  I have found it to be valuable advice, especially early on, but I also find myself moving off from it now.  According to the book I should be stretching Cora’s feedings to be 4 hours apart.  I’ve been trying for a few weeks now to adjust her schedule but it has been much harder.  She’s more fussy and has woken up from naps early, and hungry.  

I’ve tried to figure out why and the conclusion I’ve come to is that her metabolism is higher.  My husband’s is, so it fits.  She’s a petite baby who’s never ‘packed on the pounds’ as some babies seem to, though her growth has been consistent.  So, after taking into consideration the advice in the book, I’ve made the decision as a parent to not follow the book to the letter.

One of the most helpful parenting/feeding advice came from a different book that I also recommend: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg.  She said “start as you mean to go on”.  In other words don’t do anything now you don’t want to be doing when the child is 4 years old (like allowing them to sleep in your bed) and do start doing the things you want them to do when they are 4 years old (like eating at allotted meal times and taking naps).  Looking at my decisions in the light of this advice has made it easier.

And yet I have only scratched the surface.  I have so much more to learn. 

No Tolerance

     My tolerance for stories of separation between parents and children is just about zero.  I never noticed before how prevalent it is.  First there’s the news, stories of abducted or missing children among other equally horrible events happening to sweet, innocent babies.  TV shows have their share, Law & Order: SVU, Bones, even NCIS.  Eventually there’s a story-line that centers around a parent killed or a child killed.  I wouldn’t say I ever enjoyed that type of story, I don’t think I ever really thought about it.  But now, they make me sick.  Literally, physically sick to my stomach.  

     I’ve bailed on movies too.  I started watching The Secret Life of Bees one day and nearly turned it off after 5 minutes.  I did stick it out though.  It was an okay movie.  The movie that really made me realize this all was Tangled.  Yes, the Disney movie.  The fairy tale story of Rapunzel, whose long luscious hair is the only way in or out of the tower until a prince (or in this case a ruffian) sets her free, made me nauseous.  Well, not quite nauseous.  I didn’t turn it off.  But I did sit horrified as I realized how many fairy tales deal with the separation of parent and child.  (Well, they don’t really ‘deal‘ with it.)  The list is quite long.  Besides Rapunzel there’s Alladin (he’s an orphan and she’s got no mom), Lion King (Mufasa dies), Finding Nemo, The Little Mermaid (no mom, right?), Jungle Book, 101 Dalmatians, Sleeping Beauty (raised by fairies instead of parents), Snow White, Cinderella, and my personal favorite Disney movie Beauty and the Beast where not only does she not have a mom but her father is thrown out of the castle before she even gets to say goodbye! 

     Whew.  I probably could have kept going but this is not a bash Disney post.  Becoming a mom has made me hyper aware of many things and the prevalence of this plot line in stories highlights the importance of my job as a mom.  I am going back to work next week.  But my first (perhaps most important job) is being a mom, and I am so happy to be one.
     Motherhood has changed me, how has it changed you?

My Little Girl

I’m sorry if you find this post cliche, but it is what is on my heart at the moment.  Every cliche was once new and fresh; and 

for me these feelings are just that.

“My little girl is getting so big.”  This is my new anthem.  I seem to say it every few minutes.  I look at pictures from the day she was born, note on the boppy where her feet used to be, try to snap the onesie around the bigger size diapers.  She’s only two months old, but my little girl is getting so big.  I know I will say this every month, every year, for the rest of her life but I still can’t stop saying it.  I say it to my husband when he gets home from work, running down the list of happenings from my day: smiles, coos and outfits she can no longer wear.  I say it to my mom as I strap my girl into the car-seat.  I say it to my mother-in-law when I catch her up on the essentials: weight at the latest doctor’s visit, how long she is, that the clothes she sent are still a little big but will fit soon (tomorrow maybe).  I say it to the cashier, the lady in line who asks me what aisle I got her in, the bagger at the grocery store; they all coo and claim how small she looks - but my little girl is getting so big.

My eyes are tearing up as I write this.  I know it’s cliche, I know it’s been said before.  But I want to stop time.  I want to revel here, in this moment.  I don’t want to let this go, not yet.  I don’t want to put away the newborn clothes.  I don’t want to finger the smaller sizes at the store; they will only look smaller and smaller as she grows.  Soon it will be impossible to remember that she was ever that small, and she’s only two months old.

I want to take another picture.  Another picture of her sleeping; arms signaling a touchdown, mouth gently parted, eyelashes dark against her cheek.  I want to take another picture but I know it will end up being just one more in the avalanche of pictures of our first child.  Really it’s the moment I want to capture.  The precious innocents and peace of my daughter sleeping.  The gentle sounds of her breathing, the coziness of her blanket, the cheeks I just want to smother in kisses but I won’t because I feel a cold coming, and I don’t want to wake her.

Is there a moment capturing device?  Something I can peek into when I’ve forgotten that baby smell (the good one, not the diaper one), when she’s fourteen and off to high school, eighteen and off to college.  When I start saying things like “time goes so fast” and “I wish I could shrink her back” like all the well-meaning mothers are saying to me about their daughters.  When I forget these new mom feelings and it starts to be “old hat”.

There really isn’t a conclusion to this.  It will just keep happening at every milestone, every event (big and small).  That sounds so melancholy.  There is joy in these moments, it is not all sadness.  Each milestone is a huge achievement on her part.  She is growing, changing and it is wonderful to watch.